"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com


February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 September 2005

 
In law school, it's hard not to feel like a sheep. Everyone takes the same classes, everyone studies all the time, everyone hopes for a good job. Soon, you start to wonder what really sets you apart from the people around you. So I'm writing to give one person's perspective on an experience that can make you start to lose yourself. No matter what anyone tells you, law school is designed to make you feel small and helpless and scared. From the first day, the professors and other faculty are throwing around words you don't understand and giving warnings about being sure not to do things you haven't even heard about. Law school and the legal profession operate on fear: the powers that be make it difficult for the sole purpose of ensuring that people stand in awe of the incredible law school graduates. Once you wade throught the legalese and learn the ropes, you realize how much pretense there really is. The experience is difficult, but it's because, really, we want it that way. If law school had the reputation of being easy, everyone would go. Oh wait, everyone already does.

I graduated from undergrad with a double major in English and Philosophy, and went straight to law school. Law school was my choice because I couldn't decide between English and Philosophy grad school and because I didn't want to do math on the GRE. I now know that this reasoning is not really the most logical, or the most satisfactory. And yet, I can't think of anything else (other than nothing) that I would rather be doing with my life, so I guess my reasoning wins by default. Although I do think about what it would be like to just be a construction worker, like Peter in Office Space ("I did nothing, and it was everything I hoped it would be"). I have friends that are traveling now, working on farms and in restaurants, seeing the world, and I envy them. I especially envy them on really beautiful days when I just want to be able to ride my bike for hours, or sit by the fountain in the park and read a Victorian novel, and instead I'm trapped inside reading about limitations on implied warranties in the Uniform Commercial Code. But I know if took the proverbial "year off" I would just be prolonging the inevitable. My bitter friends and I who are in school or in abysmal jobs like to assure ourselves that we are doing something worthwhile--that we made smart decisions. And I know we're right. Law school isn't an end in itself: it's a means to an end. And like law school, I'm a work in progress, so of course I won't be satisfied immediately. Is anyone in their early 20's actually happy? My friends tell me that we're going through quarter-life crises. And when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. When you graduate college, you're suddenly a "real person" with real responsibilities. (Or pseudo-real if you're like me and still get money for food and rent from your parents). But the basic idea is that you're an adult. So it's no wonder that we feel inadequate and unfulfilled, when we're just partially developed human beings. It takes time to build yourself into a full, satisfied, person. And we, the impatient youths that we are, want instant gratification, which we obviously can't get. So why can't this kind of logic make me get in a better mood?

posted by Bekah at 3:28 PM :: |