"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com


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The term "pig out" used to call to my mind two distinct images: the pie-eating contest in Stand by Me with the projectile vomiting, and the scene in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure when Napolean finishes the huge sundae. Salad bars, however, didn't really scream "gluttony" to me. Friends, I was blinded by ignorance. The tale of how I learned the truth isn't pretty, but it needs to be told. For the children.

I hadn't eaten much all day, and by dinnertime all I wanted was a big salad from Whole Foods. If that statement is annoying or "girly" to you, it's only because you don't understand what a Whole Foods salad means to a vegetarian. Tomatoes. Chick peas. Yams. Smoked tofu. Feta. Wheatberries. Chinese noodles. Olives. Corn. Sesame sticks. Cucumbers. Pumpkin seeds. Little fancy dried things I don't know the name of. This salad is the filet mignon of vegetarian cuisine. I'm not even sure if it has lettuce. If you still don't understand, don't be too hard on yourself. It's normal for all that meat to have an adverse effect on your brain.

By the time I got home, I was going through withdrawals. I found a fork and took the first bite. It was good. I took a few more in quick succession. And then I heard it. A sound few women dare to own up to. A sound unmentionable in civilized society. I emitted a distinct snort. It wasn't loud. You probably wouldn't have heard it if you'd been sitting next to me. But I definitely snorted. And at that moment I understood the meaning of "pig out." It was like when Helen Keller finally understood the meaning of "water" when she put her hand under the pump and Ann Sullivan spelled "w-a-t-e-r" out in sign language. Except that was an incredible triumph of the human spirit, and my experience was really more of a let down. You see, pigging out has to do with trying to breathe and put food in your mouth at the same time. Like when pigs eat from a trough and snort a lot because they're too intent on stuffing themselves to remember to breathe. I was disturbed.

Later that night, I confided to my friend Melissa how shocked and appalled I was that you could actually pig out on a salad. She said, "Oh Bekah, believe me, you can pig out on anything!" I take some comfort in that.
posted by Bekah at 8:16 AM :: |