"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com


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Things Are Getting Ugly, In More Ways Than One

Warning: The following opinions are not those of the author. They are of the author’s fictional alter-ego who says and thinks not so nice things sometimes. Especially when it’s a Saturday night, she's studying for exams, and the only items in the fridge are mustard, a bottle of Miller High Life, and a jar of rasberry preserves (true story). The author apologizes in advance for any offense taken. She is disappointed in herself too.

I (that is, my fictional alter-ego) was watching The Learning Channel a few weeks ago, and I saw part of a special program about something called Facial Distortion Syndrome or something like that. I can’t remember the exact name. But basically, it’s a “disease” that makes people think they are physically repulsive. They hate looking in the mirror and are afraid to go outside and be seen in public. (At first I thought these people might just be on their periods, but then I noticed it was a male ailment as well). The program had experts explaining the various symptoms of the disease, how debilitating it is, etc. And then they showed some people who had it. And here’s the thing: they really WERE ugly! I don’t just mean homely. I mean good old-fashioned ugly stepsister hideous. They all suffered from various combinations of mullets, leather skin, hairy moles, wall-eyes, and (at least for the women) moustaches. I don’t call these people sick; I call them ultra perceptive! Not to mention really considerate of other people, seeing as they choose not to leave their homes very often. Maybe they should pass their heightened self knowledge on to the old men who insist on wearing Speedos on the banks of the Dead Sea. I mean really, now they're trying to say ugly people have a clinical disease? I'm already skeptical enough of "ADHD," also known in a majority of cases as "DEWO (damn easy way out)" or, "NOSIT (I don't like sitting still too much; please drug me so you don't have to discipline me, ever)."

(Imagine that I’m Jon Stewart right now. I have his “I’m really sorry that a basically nice person like me said something like that, but it had to be done” look on my face. Very sheepish. Now I’m going to go say 10 Hail Marys (can Jews do that? It couldn’t hurt), help an old lady cross the street, and adopt 14 starving orphans).

posted by Bekah at 9:43 PM :: |