"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com


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An Unsavory Client

As a prospective lawyer, it’s important for me to be able to make tough arguments. Regardless of the situation, a good lawyer can bend and manipulate the facts, deftly molding them to her will. In this advocatory spirit, I was planning to mount one of the most difficult defenses in the history of lawyering: Representation of the gefilte fish. For some entirely unknown reason, I’ve always liked the stuff. I’ve been subjected to merciless ridicule by my peers for this affinity, and I wanted finally to defend gefilte fish with the loyalty, zeal, and diligence required of the members of my noble profession. I wasn’t going to rest until justice was no longer maligned. But sadly, I came to a harsh realization. Gefilte fish is indefensible.

We’ve all heard the common accusations: “It looks gross;” “It’s slimy;” “It tastes like catfood;” “Mom, it’s mutating.” One might even add the following observations to the list: It’s gray. It’s made with a mold (not jell-o). The composition of “gefilte” is unidentifiable. It’s stored in jars with clumps of clear gelatinous material. It’s served in the company of lamb bones. It’s porous. It’s dense. It smells questionable at best. I have to admit, gefilte fish has nothing concrete to recommend it. I can’t refute any of the complaints. I don’t think I could even argue that you can’t prove mutation beyond a reasonable doubt, because I’m sure there have been plenty of eyewitnesses. It comes down to this: I’d have an easier time defending a Carrot Top look-alike serial killer who tortures puppies in his spare time.

posted by Bekah at 4:35 PM :: |