"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com


February 2003 March 2003 April 2003 May 2003 June 2003 July 2003 August 2003 September 2003 October 2003 November 2003 December 2003 January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 September 2005

 
Put This in Your Cigar and Smoke it

I've read Freud's On Dreams. I know what his eminence has to say about stairways and death and cucumbers. But last night's dream goes way beyond phallic vegetables.

The first thing I remember is that a transvestite in a purple leotard and a Boy George shirt was teaching me how to do gymnastics. I was supposed to do a handspring on the vault, but the transvestite insisted that the vault be only 5 feet away from the wall. I refused to take a running jump at such a dangerous distance, and everyone in my class was mercilessly goading me ("Just answer the question, Claire...go on, answer the question!"). I ended up attempting the jump for what felt like hours. Finally I flipped over, landed on my ass, and the fall knocked me unconscious. When I woke up, I was at a bar celebrating Halloween in the pouring rain. Except this was Naked Halloween (scary!) and I was the only one who wasn't naked. Thus, more goading. Finally, a nice boy who was also clothed came over and started chatting with me and a few other people. I decided that he was pretty cool, and I thought that maybe there were some nice boys out there after all. Shortly thereafter I found out that he was actually a girl.

Um. I'm a disturbed person. Here's my take on the dream--although I'm obviously open to suggestions. The vaulting scenario represents my hesitance to take chances academically and emotionally, for fear of landing on my ass. In the dream, my fears were realized. The transvestite in the Boy George shirt is almost certainly a reincarnation of George, Adam Sandler's backup singer in The Wedding Singer, which I watched several weeks ago. I do not think the transvestite has significance beyond that, but I could be wrong. Perhaps the significance is that this transvestite was so obvious and garish in comparison to the one I met later in the dream. Which brings me to the naked part. In the dream, it was not as if I refused to be naked; I don't remember having a choice in the matter. I was basically forced to be an outsider. This represents my various inhibitions and insecurities, although, interestingly, it seems that the point would have been better made if I was the only naked one and everyone else was clothed. Stupid subconscious, get it right. And finally, my experience with the boy-who-turned-out-to-be-a-girl. I am certain that this represents my dissatisfaction with men in general. Freud may say that it's my anxiety about homosexuality--or some sort of personal fear of it lurking beneath the surface--except that Freud didn't believe that women had any sort of sexuality at all, so he probably wouldn't think much of it. I actually think it stems from a discussion I had yesterday about Gigli and how it's supposed to be really bad for lots of reasons, not the least of which being the premise that a lesbian (JLo) "changes" for a straight man (Affleck).

Just a general note about dreaming: I always dream in the third person. I'm never actually myself in a dream; instead, I am watching myself as if I'm the main character in a movie. I once read that this is how children dream until about the age of 10, when their "senses of self" become developed enough to dream in the first person. Right. I'm just a little bit of a late bloomer, I guess.

Update: Mel says, "I feel that the part about you being dressed represents the fact that you are kind of above the follies of the pick up scene." I like that. She also thinks I'm brave for sharing this dream, but please--my subconscious is no weirder than anyone elses. Admit it, we all have dreams with transvestites and purple leotards sometimes...don't we?

posted by Bekah at 10:57 AM :: |