"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com


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Mardi Gras Guidelines

1. If you decide to go to a parade, you simply have to get into it. You can't stand there like one woman I saw, scowling and holding your arm up lifelessly as if to say, "You might as well just take a huge crap in my hand." That is no way to win the crew over, and, honestly, someone might eventually decide to take that crap. Port-o-Potties can be few and far between.

2. If you want something really cool, like a ceramic medallion or a little squishy football, find someone on the float who looks nice and ask them. You'd be amazed how fruitful specific requests can be.

3. If you want the pretty beads that the security guard happens to be wearing, make a pouty face and open your...eyes very wide. When he gives them to you, offer to buy him a Coke for his trouble. There is absolutely no need for the questionable behavior that the "girls gone wild" engage in.

4. Do not, I repeat, do not wear flip-flops, no matter how much you love them, or how much you enjoy your toes being free to wiggle around in the cool night air. If you still want toes in the morning, cover those suckers up.

5. Give your crappy beads to the children. Clothesline the children who try to steal the good beads from you.

6. Be nice to the old guy who sits down next to you and starts the following conversation:

Old Guy: Hey, how're you doing honey?
Me: Oh, pretty good. You?
Old Guy: Well, I'd be doing better if the doctor hadn't told me I had skin cancer.
Me: Oh, I'm...so sorry. Anyway, I should probably go...somewhere else.

7. Stop being a vegetarian, or starve. The only things to eat are corndogs and Italian sausage.

8. Learn to love Outkast's "The Way You Move," because that is the only song any of the bands will play for the duration of the holiday season. In the same vein, get the hell out of the street when a band is coming: those flag-bearers are more ruthless than the bike-riders in Amsterdam. They will not hesitate to decapitate anything in their path.

9. That smell is in fact fresh horse shit. Deal with it.

10. If there is a shooting a block away from you, and you are caught in the mass of people pushing and fleeing the scene, hide the fact that you are totally freaked out by making light of the event on your blog.

posted by Bekah at 9:24 AM :: |