"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com


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It's an Ass Clown! It's a Douchebag! No, it's both...it's...TWEEDMAN!

I realize that there are some things that I shouldn't post details about. There are boundaries that blogs can easily overstep and social norms of which blogs can easily run afoul. But I can confidently say that I have absolutely no qualms about describing every perceivable detail about Tweed man. It is my civic duty to do so. If I do not describe him more fully, there is a possibility that he will terrorize more innocent coffeehouse patrons, small children, or fuzzy bunnies. Please know that I'm not going on memory here; I am actually typing this as I look at him, looking at me looking at him. The levels of voyeurism in this undertaking are quite fascinating.

Anyway, beware if you see the following person:

A short man, a shade under five feet tall, slightly resembling Bilbo Baggins at the moment when he tries to steal the ring back from Frodo and his face contorts into a horrifying amalgamation of vampire and gremlin. As his name indicates, Tweedman often wears tweed, coupled with douche-tastic khaki pants--tapered, of course--and a collared shirt with sleeves that are far too short. Boat shoes are a necessity, and may be the source of all his evil powers. Test this theory by stomping his feet at any opportunity. Tweedman enjoys sitting several yards away from students, muttering and trying to blow up their computers with mind bullets. The appropriate response to this tactic is to stare back; he often grumbles and turns away for short time, giving you a brief respite from his furor. His hair is of a sandy, toupe-like consistency, and his eyes are as red as the pits of hell. He has a fairly distinctive gait, moving as though he has something large and awkwardly shaped stuck up his ass. It may or may not be my computer cord.

posted by Bekah at 8:33 PM :: |