"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com


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Come Together

You know that part of the movie where the main character is walking around and suddenly there is only silence and everything around him starts moving very slowly and there's just this look of blankness and helplessness on his face as the world soundlessly goes on around him? I've been feeling like that a lot lately. In the halls, I kind of float up above myself and watch as I bump into a roaming pack of 1Ls or have a conversation with a professor about letters of recommendation, nodding and smiling away. I tried to go out a few times this weekend, but I consistently ended up feeling too detached to function in a social setting.

That person who is in her last year of law school and who is going to classes and revising a Comment that she wrote and who is applying for clerkships and everything--that person is me. And yet, I can't seem to actually convince myself that I am her and she is me and we are all together, etc. It's like I'm applying for fake jobs and going to fake classes, and soon I'm going to wake up and be 11 again, eating peanut butter crackers and watching a horrendously edited version of The Breakfast Club on TBS not understanding a goddamn thing anyone is saying and waiting for my friend to come over and catch crawfish in the creek behind my house. And when I tell myself that those thoughts are ridiculous, and that real life has to start sometime and I can't hide behind my novels or philosophy books or law books forever, I get angry and then I get sad. The world is a really fucking hard place to live in! I just want to be able to hide from it some more.


posted by Bekah at 8:20 PM :: |