"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com

 
Oh, Sweet Irony! (Again)

Ah, the daily horoscope. Such a reliable source of amusement for me. Sadly, today that amusement is tempered by the painful irony of the forecast:

An unexpected letter or package might arrive sometime today, dear Aquarius. This could be a gift from a lover - perhaps a bit more lavish than you would ever have expected. You could receive other communications as well; at least one could be related to your job in some way. A party invitation could also come, and you'll probably want to attend. Your significant other will want to accompany you. (emphasis added).

Please note all of the ambiguous words, all of the qualifications, all of the things that make the horoscope vague and universally applicable, just like it should be. Then please note the final sentence. I find it interesting that the ONE thing my horoscope writer is sure about is that my nonexistent significant other will want to come to a party to which I might be invited. For the love of God, has he or she no soul?

posted by Bekah at 11:13 AM :: |

 
Errata

I think the one of the worst feelings ever is the realization that something you've been carelessly doing has actually been hurting someone you love. Basically, the problem is that I talk too much without thinking about how people might interpret what I'm saying. So, now I have to do my best to print some sort of retraction--or at least an explanation.

When I write or talk about never wanting to work in a big firm, or about hating to wear suits, or about refusing to do on-campus interviews, all I am doing is justifying my personal choices. I do it because feel like I need to explain to myself and anyone who cares why I want to make different plans. So I make sarcastic comments about New York law firms being hell in order to justify my decision not to work in one. None of these comments is meant to judge anyone else's choices about how to spend their lives. There are so many factors that go into a person's job choice; one factor that I don't have to deal with may be the thing that really steers someone else. And as I've tried to explain before, it would hardly make sense for me to go to law school and make friends with a bunch of soon-to-be lawyers if I thought that they would all become satan as soon as they walked through the doors of a law firm.

A few of my close friends already have incredible jobs for this coming summer. These girls are amazing and brilliant people, and I am so proud of all of their accomplishments. I am impressed with my friends and with others I go to school with on a daily basis. And though I might make thoughtless comments, I really do respect what they are doing. When it comes down to it, the things I say really stem from my own insecurities. They do not mean that I am not thrilled for my friends and the pay-off that has come from all of their dedication and hard work. Now that I think about it, they're probably my way of trying to justify my own feelings of mediocrity. So, I did this little psychological self-exam in order to explain my actions, but what I really need to say is: I am so, so sorry if I hurt anyone's feelings by either saying too much (in the way of sarcasm) or not saying enough (in the way of congratulations).

On a lighter note, Sade's "By Your Side" is on in Starbucks right now, and it is f'n good.

posted by Bekah at 10:01 AM :: |

 
Close-Walking With Attitude

On my way to the coffeehouse today, I encountered yet another close-walker. In all honesty, this one was scaring me a little bit. I kept furtively glancing over my shoulder to see if he was going to try to trip me or something. Luckily, after noticing several of my glances, this particular close-walker saw the error of his ways. In order to rectify the situation, he chose the "speed up and pass me" option (as opposed to sitting down and having a quick snack; I guess he wasn't hungry). But this close-walker didn't just walk by me. Instead, he did a little elfish hop, skip, and jump, with quite a bit of flourish to it. I was highly impressed. Close-walker, I commend you!

This Feels Like High School...

Ok, I wasn't going to write about this, but I just can't help it. I have a big crush on a boy in one of my classes. He is precisely my type, which I like to classify as "Granola, yet clean." "Granola" means that he wears t-shirts having to do with biking or hiking or bands, khaki pants (of a certain indefinable type that look perfect), and flip flops, and has fluffyish hair. "Yet clean" means that he bathes and washes his hair regularly. The "yet clean" also refers to the fact that, while he may care about the environment and carry a strappy bag with carabineers attached, he doesn't want to become one with a tree. That is a fine, yet important, line.

Anyway, I sit in the row behind this boy, so the only time he sees me is when he walks into the classroom. For a few weeks, he just sat down in his chair immediately, without looking around at all. It seemed like he was almost trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Since last Thursday however, I have had no less than three (3) conversations with him, each at the beginning of class. Allow me to report them as accurately as I can remember:

Conversation #1:

Granola Yet Clean: (walks past my row, looking confused, and then backs up) Um, I don't sit here, do I?
Me: (wanting to say "Next to me? Yes. Yes you do") No, I think you sit right up there.
GYC: Oh, right. Man, I have so many classes in this room, I can never keep it straight.
Me: Ha ha, yeah, that happens to me too. I would say you could go ahead and sit here, but there's another guy in this spot who always comes in late.
GYC: Really? Well, good thing I got that worked out.
Me: Yeah, he'd probably kick your ass if he saw you sitting there.
GYC: Ha, oh yeah?
(guy who sits next to me walks in, walks up to the front of the room to get a handout)
Me: See, he could definitely take you.
GYC: I don't know...all of my hard work sitting on the couch has made me a formidable fighter.
Me: And there's always the kung fu...
(class begins)

Conversation #2:

GYC: (walks in, almost passes his chair again, smiles)
Me: You got it right today!
GYC: Yeah, I'm catching on.
Me: I thought about sitting in your row, just to throw you off.
GYC: Ha ha.
Me: But then I thought, "that poor boy is confused enough as it is."
GYC: Ha, that is definitely true.
(class begins)

Conversation #3:

GYC: (walks in)
Me: You sit there (pointing to his chair).
GYC: (big smile) That's why I'm so glad you're in this class. You keep me honest.
Me: I love you. Do you want to get married?

He probably has a girlfriend or something; he always runs away right after class ends. But it's still fun.

posted by Bekah at 1:13 PM :: |

 
Fuzzy Bunnies, Daisies, and Sonnets

Oh no!

I've been accused of being angst-ridden! This should NOT be happening! I might have made some uncharacteristically snarky comments lately, but it was all in good fun. Anyway, I'm done with my latest Sub & Cite now, so I will definitely be much less bitter for a while. Scott, just for you, I'm going to do the following things in order to allay Monday's angst:

1. I'll apologize to the sidewalk go-cart man for saying his beeping was annoying. Maybe he's handicapped or something, and needs the go-cart just to be mobile. And he can't quit his job because he isn't old enough to get social security benefits. And his wife is pregnant with their fifth child. And their youngest son is having trouble reading, and is beating up kids at school. As if that isn't enough, his mom is in the hospital. All of this is weighing very heavily on him. So the university has given him access to a beeping go-cart so he can perform daily tasks. It's a very unfortunate situation all around, and the poor man has enough problems without me complaining about the beeping. For these reasons, I will also pay to have the dents removed from the sides of the vehicle (made during a small angst-ridden stoning incident, for which I am truly sorry).

2. Tomorrow I'm going to turn around and ask the close-walker behind me if he wants to go get some coffee. Maybe he's a nice guy.

3. I will commend my prof on her willingness to buck the Socratic trend and get a little more new-wave in class. I will tell her that I was "feeling her" today, and postulate that my horoscope is the real explanation: "You think of yourself as a practical person, dear Aquarius, but today your thoughts may turn more to the mystical and spiritual. Your intuition is heightened right now, allowing you to tune in to the innermost feelings of your loved ones." She will think we are "vibing," and might feel more fulfilled as a professor.

4. I refuse to make any sort of reparations with respect to the bookstore. I'm sorry; that angst stays.

5. I will tell the landscapers that their shrubbery-switching operation is going very smoothly, and that they've done a great job lately of keeping the peat-moss problem under control. It really is starting to look quite nice.

I will give everyone lots of hugs, I will not think mean thoughts about girls who wear their shorts rolled down to their buttcracks, I will smile at the student workers in the library and say hello to them, even if they can't hear me over their euro-techno.

In all seriousness, I've been really happy lately because I've been seeing and still have yet to see some great great music. I'm going to wait for the tours to end before writing about anything, just to preserve what little is left of my anonymity. But suffice it to say that there is some incredible stuff going on in the concert world right now. More to come.

posted by Bekah at 9:17 AM :: |

 
Is there such a thing as a latent runner?

There was a period in my life when I could call myself a runner without reservation. I ran a minimum of 6 miles a day, with a few 9 mile runs thrown in, and a 10-12 mile run on the weekend. I was, admittedly, addicted. If I missed a day, I forced myself to make up the mileage. There was even a period of several months where I had to adorn my feet with a complicated combination of duct tape and vaseline just to be able to get through a run without my blisters bleeding through my socks. Tasty.

The first year of law school, however, forced me to put a stop to my obsessiveness. It was a combination of the workload and the weather that did me in. When it's 95 degrees outside and you have 200 pages of reading for the next day, a run is not first on your list of priorities. So I started spinning, and running every once in a while when the temperature dropped enough to be able to breathe. But those sporadic runs just didn't feel the same. They weren't automatic. I didn't feel the emptiness I used to feel when I missed a day.

Given my 1L experience, my question now is: am I still a runner? If a painter stops painting for a year, does that mean he stops being an artist? Or is there something more fundamental--something that makes me remain a runner, even if I've been on a somewhat year-long hiatus? I went for a run this morning, and it was absolutely incredible. I just woke up and felt like I had to run. The weather was perfect. My feet felt great. I got that feeling again, like this could be a running rebirth. Huge stuff.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I find it interesting that as soon as the temperature drops below 90, people feel the need to wear sweatshirts and jackets: "It's a blustery 88 degrees, I better break out my parka."

posted by Bekah at 9:25 AM :: |

 
Psychic Disconnections

I've been commenting on my horoscope a lot lately, so I think it's going to become a regular thing. Weekly installments of horoscope bashing will be coming your way. Today, I have a very valid issue. Aren't horoscopes supposed to be somewhat realistic? Kind of vague, kind of generally applicable to, oh...anyone? Well, please take note of this:

A fit of boredom might stimulate your rebellious streak today, dear Aquarius. You might decide to eschew your usual tasks and chores and go do something unusual or unexpected, such as skydiving or bungee jumping.

Not only are the horoscope people using SAT words now (eschew? please.), they are also getting pretty bold with their predictions. Bungee jumping? How about toning that rebellious streak down a little--like skipping class, for starters? Bungee jumping? Oy.

posted by Bekah at 10:59 AM :: |

 
Monday Musings

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure the most annoying thing in the world is being trailed by one of those beeping go-carts with the little orange flags that ride on the sidewalk. They're not cars, so they can't be on the street, but the people who ride in them are just far too important to walk on the sidewalk. They're so important that they get to monopolize the sidewalk and intimidate and annoy all of the rightful pedestrians. So they beep incessantly behind you until you have to jump into some inviting shrubbery and rock quietly back and forth as they pass.

Along the same lines, I'm aware that Seinfeld has identified and derided "close talkers," but I think "close walkers" are infinitely more obnoxious. I walk relatively quickly, but every once in a while someone will feel the need to keep pace one or two feet behind me all the way to school. It's disconcerting to have someone walking behind you so closely that you can hear their heavy breathing. Either speed up and pass me or sit down and have a snack for a minute while I get several yards ahead, you freak.

One of my professors dismissed class 15 minutes early on Wednesday because "we" (she and the class) weren't "feeling each other." Believe me, I'm not complaining about the early day, but it seemed to me that she really shirked her law professor duties. If the class isn't participating and generally looks like a big lump of stupidity, a law professor isn't supposed to give up. A law professor is supposed to seize that opportunity to be as evil and Socratic as possible, berating and belittling unprepared students until they cry. Their job is to make people "feel them." Frankly, I'm a little disappointed. Law professors just aren't the same with upperclassmen.

I went to the bookstore to get a granola bar this morning, carrying my Con Law book. When I put the granola bar on the counter, I put my book down for a second too. The lady had the gall to try to ring it up. I promptly said, "Oh no. No, no. I've paid for that already. Believe me." I know that this is the bookstore and they'll screw you however they can, but please. That's where I draw the line.

In keeping with the general need to be doing construction at all times, my school has decided that they must transplant all of the shrubbery around the law school and put it on the other side of the courtyard. Do you understand what I'm saying? They are pulling up shrubs and planting them again, in a slightly different location. The advantage of this process, as far as I can see, is the glorious blanket of dirt and peat moss that arrays the sidewalks and flies into the air when there's a breeze. I am at a loss.

posted by Bekah at 10:35 AM :: |