"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com

 
Calm Before the Storm?

2Ls have a strange way of getting stressed out about exams. 1Ls get frantic and panicky and spend 12 hours at a time at the library doing work that will likely have no effect on their exam performance. 2Ls get a glazed over expression and mumble things like "should have started my outlines...500 pages behind...beer." I have to say, it's a much more chill worldview. Whether or not it's an effective mentality for exam preparation remains to be seen.

5 Questions

1. Why is it called a "laundry list" of things? Does anyone ever make a laundry list? What would be on it? A "laundry list" is supposed to be long and exhaustive. I'm sick of perpetuating this misnomer. It should be called a shopping list.
2. Where are these alleged "Creed fans"?
3. What's worse, never being able to recognize movie quotes, or saying movie quotes incorrectly? ("Swan, stop looking funny at me!" Um, no).
4. What's worse, air quotes or air parentheticals?
5. Was Billy Idol cryogenically frozen? How is it possible for him to be that ageless?

Back on the Wagon

For two (2) solid months, I was off the hard stuff. I was clean. That evil and addictive concoction of chemicals known as Diet Coke was out of my life. I was drinking water. Feeling good. Feeling like my stomach lining was reforming after years of being eaten away by caramel color and sweeteners. And then, for no apparent reason, I folded. I just gave in and ordered a Diet Coke like it was no big deal. I relished that sweet Diet Coke. And now I'm back on the wagon, but hopefully in moderation this time. Look, I've just gotta get through exams man, then I'll really quit...for real. I'll get help. I want to be better, but I'm too weak right now. Don't judge me.

Update: I'm drinking a Diet Coke right now, and it's so cold that it has those little frozen Coke shavings, and it is so damn good. Ahhhgh. How can something so wrong feel so right?

posted by Bekah at 2:19 PM :: |

 
Insult to Injury

As one of the perks of being on Law Review, I have to take a professional photo for the big fancy composite that they hang in the law school. This means 1) I have to come to school on a Friday, 2) I have to wear a suit when I come, and 3) I have to smile in the context of something related to Law Review. Friends, you could cut the hypocrisy with a knife.

posted by Bekah at 3:09 PM :: |

 
Feeling Rotten

Once something is spoiled, can it ever be fixed? I know that when milk spoils you have to throw it away, but what about spoiled people? Can they ever be rehabilitated? Yes, I will be the first to admit that I am dreadfully spoiled. But hopefully the fact that I recognize this is some sort of indication that I’m not all bad…just partially decomposed. Is there still time for me to amputate the really spoiled parts of me and start over fresh? Or am I past the expiration date?

I am one of the luckiest people in the world. I have never been denied anything by my parents. I’ve been given every opportunity imaginable for education and travel and recreation. I’m not talking about weekend jaunts to the south of France or season tickets to the games of all of my favorite sports teams, but I’m talking about all of the basics and a bunch of extras too. I’ve been able to grow up in total comfort, and now I’m able to do the unthinkable: to go to law school without worrying about having to pay off insuperable loans.

When my parents got married right after college, they had to work for years just to be able to enjoy the standard of living that I enjoy right now as a lowly student who has never held a real job for a day in her sorry, pathetic, spoiled life. They ate cabbage soup for weeks on end, while living in married student housing. And I have the audacity to spend the money they give me to go out to eat and drink with my friends like I haven't a care in the world.

I know that parents work during their lives so that their kids can have it better than they had it, but I’m starting to feel very disappointed with myself for taking advantage of that. I am not going to go on a cabbage soup diet or anything, but I am definitely going to make some changes. I need to stop acting like a four year old, and start acting like someone who may one day need to be able to handle being an adult.

Note: Isn’t it incredible that lots of times when your parents are mad at you about something it doesn’t really faze you, but as soon as they’re disappointed in you, you want to crawl into a hole? The dreaded “We’re very disappointed in you” is like a knife in the heart!

posted by Bekah at 10:46 AM :: |

 
Empirically Speaking...

There was an empiricist philosopher I studied in college--I think it was Berkeley--who believed that the building you see when you're far away, and the building you then enter once you get close enough are actually two different buildings. Your apartment from 500 feet away is a different place than your apartment when you're inside. When you're 500 feet away, you can hold your apartment in your hand, so how can that possibly be the same apartment that you move around in? ("How can we teach children to read if they can't even fit inside the building?") Berkeley also believed that every object has millions of versions for all of the different angles from which we perceive them. So my poster from across the room is a different poster than the one I examine while lying in my bed. He also believed that things disappear, or no longer exist, when they are out of our presence. So my apartment ceases to be when I leave for school in the morning.

This is all very disconcerting to me. Most people probably think it's stupid or ridiculous, but it makes me...nervous.

The reason I bring it up now is that I've been thinking recently about the phenomenon of getting to know someone. There are people I've met this year who I only "knew of" last year, and I can't reconcile their last year and this year selves. To me, the people I know now and the people I knew of last year are simply not the same people. They have different personalities and traits and they like different things. It might seem strange, but I think on some level the people I know now really are different people than they were last year. Because can people really be anything other than what other people perceive? Would we exist at all if not through the interpretations and assessments of others? And if we could, would that existence matter? Isn't the only thing that keeps us grounded in the world our ability to form relationships with other people? And if that's the case, do we actually exist through others, and not in spite of them?

On second thought, this might be a little heavy for a Monday morning.

posted by Bekah at 11:16 AM :: |