"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com

 
Women and Words

I've been meaning to post this incredible email for a while, and just haven't gotten the chance. My sister Hannah sent these "definitions" to me a few weeks ago in the wake of my defense of the Law and Gender course. I'm posting them with exerpts from her astute and witty email; I won't make many additional comments, because I think she pretty much says it all:

I was reading a book by Wilfred Funk, 30 Days to a More Powerful Vocabulary. Wilfred is one of the most important American etymologists EVER. Probably the most important. Okay. This book was originally written in the 40's, but was updated in 1970. Though "women's liberation" had apparently happened...the following is STILL true...

The book is addressed ONLY to young businessmen who need to develop a larger vocabulary to get ahead in CEO-land. This much is not surprising; gender neutrality was far from the norm in '70. But that's not it.

Women are, in fact mentioned three times in the book, in conjunction with word descriptions. These are the three passages in which Funk saw women as fit examples (among other examples, for each word, but none of them involving a negative portrait of any facet of masculinity). These are in order of stupefyingness rather than that in which they appeared in the book, most stupefying last:

1) Vicarious. "The lonely, friendless woman living a life of suffocating routine or hopeless boredom can sit glued, hour after hour, to the television set. She then becomes the lovely young girl to whom a virile male makes passionate love; she can experience VICARIOUSLY all the excitement, romance, thrills, exotic adventure that her real life is so empty of. She can be a spy, a murderer, a figure of international intrigue, a visitor from another planet. She has only to twist the dial and change her drab existence into an abundant, fulfilling, and electric (but VICARIOUS) reality."

2) Wanton. "Call a woman WANTON and you are saying that she indulges in every passion, that she is lewd and lascivious--in short that she believes in living it up, with no thoughts of consequences or of the morro's hangover. She never expects to be sorry in the morning, and she never is."

3) Sublimate. "A female whose unconscious desire it is to enslave men, to dominate and destroy all males, becomes the energetic and successful business executive or the president of a college with largely male faculty, and only her psychiatrist knows that she is SUBLIMATING."

Here, Bekah, we have almost EVERY female stereotype of the era, even those that contradict one another! Really fascinating to me is the fact that he acknowledges the sort of despair that women like Ann Sexton and Sylvia Plath wrote about in just about the same era as the second printing of this book, but of course chews it up and spits it out as pitiful, vicarious laziness. But what should women do instead of be lazy? Not work, I guess, since if they did that, they would obviously unconsciously WANT TO "DESTROY ALL MALES." And she might be lazy, but not too lazy to get out on the town and bang every dude within a 100 mile radius, the wanton slut!

Ok. If I go out and party, I'm a wanton, thoughtless whore. If I stay home, I am lazy, pathetic, and incapable of a meaningful existence in reality. If I go to law school, I am bitchy and overly agressive, and have an unconscious desire to destroy all males (since conceding that women could have a conscious desire to do anything would be impossible in this framework). Glad I got all of that straight. I think I'll go talk to my pyschiatrist, since he's the only one who can see through my sublimation and advise against my evil plot of male domination.

Onward to enslave males! Onward to promote a lascivious lifestyle of wanton vicariousness!

Onward to Law and Gender.

posted by Bekah at 11:33 AM :: |

 
We Love the Subs!

Last night, I was slipping in and out of consciousness in front of the TV when I opened my eyes and saw two hovering hamster-like creatures with huge eyes and gums singing about Quizno's subs. One was wearing a pirate hat and playing a guitar, and the other had gnarled claws and was singing in a crazed falsetto. I have never seen anything so horrifyingly disturbing, yet so hilarious at the same time. I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating. Today I've been on a quest to discover who and what these floating creatures are, and whether or not anyone else finds them as compelling as I do. Finally, Kate, Costa and I found the bizarre creature commercials on the Quizno's website and spent several hours watching them. I laughed so hard that I started getting chest pain. I don't know if I will ever go to Quizno's, but those creatures are so freakishly wondrous that I have to share them with the world. Now run, run like the wind, and view the Quizno's glory yourself.

posted by Bekah at 11:09 PM :: |

 
Struggling With Semantics

Me: Do you mind if I call you my boyfriend strictly for purposes of this email?
J: Uh, I guess not.
[2 seconds later]
Me: Never mind, it looks too weird.
J: Alright.
[sighs of relief]

Note: The preferred nomenclature is either "insignificant other" or "non-definitional male or lady friend." The man will not get us down. We will prevail. The boyfriend/girlfriend revolution will not be televised.

posted by Bekah at 6:51 PM :: |

 
The Best of the Belateds

The following is an actual email from one of my dearest friends, sent 4 days after my birthday. Note the strategically placed "you're pretty." All, all, is forgiven.

Oh dear god, I should be shot. I didn't even call. BEKAH I LOVE YOU. I am sorry -- Happy, Happy Belated. Holy shit, I feel awful. I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE PRETTY. Oh dear god. I will call you tonight, sweet thang!!

Much love,
M.

Thinking Like a Lawyer

Costa: Are we really going for a walk today?
Me: Yeah, I think so, if it isn't raining.
Costa: Ok. In that case, I'm getting a Reese's.
J: [uncontrollable laughter]

Note: Costa really deserved that Reese's. On Superbowl Sunday, she won the grid at the final score for a whopping $20. She was pretty excited, feeling good, only to walk outside and see that she had a $20 parking ticket on her car. "I can't win!" she exclaimed. I said, "At least you broke even." She wasn't appeased.
Update: After writing this post, I was reminded of my utter uselessness when it comes to even the most simple mathematical issues: Cost didn't in fact break even; she'd put $5 in the pot at the beginning. Oh well.

You Know You're a 2L When...

G: Yeah, I took my computer to the guy upstairs and he accidentally erased everything on it.
Me: Oh my god! Did you lose all your notes??
G: Nah. Luckily, I haven't been taking any.

posted by Bekah at 9:25 AM :: |

 
Warning! Wardrobe Malfunction. Halftime Will Terminate.

Really, Justin? Was it a "wardrobe malfunction" that caused your arm to reach across Janet Jackson's body and rip off a boob-sized portion of her leathery-metal atrocity of a corset top? And was it just an accident that Janet had a strategically placed metal "nipple covering" over the very breast that was exposed? Obviously not. But regardless of Justin's intent or Janet's intent, or MTV's intent, I think it's totally ludicrous that there's this much uproar over such an "incident." This traumatic exposed breast fiasco is nothing that isn't on MTV or anywhere else all the time. People who think that's not the case are in denial. And, on a slightly more philosophical level, why is it that any amount of skin above the nipple can be shown anywhere anytime (because that's just cleavage), but any skin below or around the nipple is considered indecent? And if everyone is so incredibly outraged by this obscene and immoral occurrence, WHY MUST THE NEWS STATIONS SHOW THE FOOTAGE ONCE EVERY TEN MINUTES? The hypocrisy is almost too obvious to be worth mentioning! Aren't the same "families" and "children" who "deserve better" watching the freaking NEWS? Stupidity overload...must...lie...down.

posted by Bekah at 12:58 PM :: |

 
I'd Like to Thank the Little People...

Friday night, to my immense pleasure, my friends and family threw me a real live surpise birthday party. I have never had a surprise party before, and I'm still getting over the experience. As a cover, my aunt invited me over for a drink with a few family members before I went out with my friends. So J and I showed up and after saying hi to my mom and aunt and uncle, my mom opened some sliding doors and about 20 of my friends, my grandmothers, and my sister were all standing in the living room screaming at me and taking pictures. The entire thing is kind of a blur now, but I think the first thing I said was something like "Nuh uh!" Astute, no? Then I think I covered my face, tried to leave, hid behind J, and when all of that failed, said, "Ok, everyone go about your business...nothing to see here..." I was bright red and shaking and wanted to crawl under the coffee table. But once I'd made the rounds and hugged everyone (some people 2 or 3 times because I didn't know what to do with myself), and once my dad handed me a glass of wine, I started to calm down and enjoy myself. My mom had cooked so much food and three cakes, and everybody kept telling me how nervous they'd been about keeping the secret. There is really nothing more flattering than having people go to all that trouble just for you. It was so cute to see my grandparents talking to my friends too. One of my grandmas was wearing some snazzy leather pants, so she was really the hit of the party and thankfully deflected some of the attention from me.

The best part of the whole thing was being able to look back and think about all of the strange or suspicious things that happened that went right over my head. For example, I was kind of annoyed that none of my friends seemed all that interested in planning something for my birthday. I kept offering places and times for dinner, etc., and no one was buying it. I kept asking what bar I should get people to go to, and no one seemed to care. It was very odd. I was also kind of surprised that J was so willing to come have a drink with my aunt and uncle and parents. I kept saying, "I can just meet you at dinner, it's really no big deal." Basically, according to my friends, I was very difficult. But it's just because no one seemed to want to do anything! So I apologize, and want to profusely, though pseudo-anonymously, thank everyone who was involved. Good times...great oldies. And speaking of oldies...24 doesn't really feel any different than 23. So I guess I'm safe until the big 2-5.

Quotes of the Week

During a preview for The Passion, J exclaims, "Oh, Jesus Christ!...Man, that never gets old."

Crossing the street downtown in heavy traffic, my sister assures us, "Just don't look and you can't die..."

In the middle of a gripping and intelligent socio-political debate at a local bar, C says to J, "Yeah, so...I'm halfway between a shit and a piss...I think I'm gonna go give it a shot. See ya."

After a brief discussion of reality shows, I interject that "The next one will be Average Ho, with a really hot guy and a bunch of nasty girls." [I realize how incongruous that comment is with my advocacy of my Law and Gender class, but I'm still allowed to make jokes...]

posted by Bekah at 11:08 AM :: |