"In vacant or in pensive mood..." I am: Bekah; 24; Law Student / Favorite Things: Carbs (so there!), Johnny Damon, Smiling at babies, Grilled cheese, Comfortable silence / Favorite Supreme Court Justice: Brennan / Favorite Wilson: Owen by an inch / Today's Special: Song: Elliott Smith, "Bled White"; Quote: "You know, there's like a butt-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bowstaff." Please love me: mmbekah@yahoo.com

 
Random Law School Dean's Message #1

Dear students:

It is my distinct pleasure to inform you that U.S. News and World Reports has ranked our school 10 points higher this year than last! This sudden ascention can only be the result of the hard work and amazing accomplishments of our students, faculty, staff, and dean. All of the money that I put into shrubbery around the law school and bulking up our "Law and the Fast Food Industry" curriculum turned out to be a great investment. No one really seemed to notice that our percentage of students with jobs 9 months after graduation is precipitously low (that will be our little secret)! I would like to emphasize the importance of this jump for everyone involved with our esteemed institution. Alumni should be especially pleased with their enduring legacy; entering students should be thrilled at the opportunity to become part of our high ranking family. U.S. News and World Reports, God of Gods, we salute you!

Yours in excellence,

Dean U. S. Newsrocks

Random Law School Dean's Message #2

Dear students:

Congratulations on being a part of one of the best and most underappreciated law schools in the country. U.S. News and World Reports, an evil corporation without any understanding of what it means to be a good law school, ranked us 10 points lower this year than last. As we all know, U.S. News Rankings are completely meaningless, comprised of statistical blips and unfair assessments which are only marginal indicators of the quality of any given institution. Even though this is the case, we remain shocked and outraged at this year's rankings, and will put lots of money into organizing a task force to help us understand why we took such a plunge. I know one thing: it has nothing to do with any actual identifiable problems in my, I mean our, faultless law school. This year is an unfortunate statistical aberration; it is nothing that a little bit of number crunching and bribery won't fix. For now, relax and enjoy being underappreciated, much like Van Gogh was underappreciated during his lifetime.

Yours in shared incredulousness,

Dean U. S. Newssucks

posted by Bekah at 10:21 AM :: |

 
Thank You Jesus

I finished PHASE ONE of my Sub & Cite today. The best part about turning in my Sub & Cite is that it comes right back to me the next day! And then my partner and I get to check everything again, but this time together. Why we're not allowed to check everything together the first time is one of the many great mysteries of life that law school has slowly and methodically made me too tired and apathetic to solve. Sub & Cite. Yay. Yipee.

Given my experiences with Microfiche (the student worker who helped me was reading Plato and taking meticulous notes in the margins with a real pencil, a virtuous one, not the mechanical kind; I wanted to hug him and tell him to never, ever go to law school, ever, but he smelled bad so I resisted the urge) and quote-highlighting today, it is a miracle that I still have friends. I managed to carry my storm cloud with me all over the school, drenching everyone with my ickiness.

The point of this post (if I can even pretend to have one) is that I read one (ONE!) thing today that made me crack a smile, and I would like to thank the person who did this for me. So Michael of Wings & Vodka, thank you. And thank you Jesus:

"...my little brother saw [The Passion of the Christ] and seemed moved by the graphic violence. I asked him if it made him want to be a Christian. He said no, but it 'made me want them to stop whipping Jesus.'"

Oh my GOD that is FUNNY. I mean, oh my goodness. Whatever.

posted by Bekah at 8:35 PM :: |